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A funny thing happened on the road to Perdition

Posted on 2007.07.30 at 14:22

My first manuscript, Crucifer, is once again making the rounds, and three editors and three new agents have asked for the full, which means the rewrite of the manuscript has made a big difference.  At least I know the synopsis and first three chapters work.  It's wonderful, after so long, to feel the vibrations as the gears turn again.  Now, every time the phone rings or I open my email, I hold my breath for the first few seconds, caught between hope and dread.

Several weeks ago, I finished a major rewrite of my second novel, Blood Bound.  It’s a very different animal than the first book, and intended as a philosophical mirror of the former.  Crucifer  is about the redemption of those who can't forgive themselves, something that I yearn for myself.  It also explores how we define the sacred and profane--how monsters rise to sainthood and madness serves a gateway to the divine.

Blood Bound is fought in the biological arena, and explores how mythologies rise organically from the body.  In the vacuum of a reductionist world, our minds rush to fill the void with our own angels and demons.  In Blood Bound, a genetic engineer designs what he hopes is a cure for schizophrenia, but the retrovirus mutates with horrifying results.  It becomes a key that unlocks the gates of our primal minds.  Beyond that gate lies a hell of lust, hunger and fear--and hell, as it turns out, has its own agenda. 

As I wrapped up the draft of Blood Bound, and a major character died, I found myself distraught over what I had done.  I mourned for X, wept for him, stared at my red right hand and trembled.  X had become the son that I never had, and the child that I had forgotten still lived within me.  What have you done? I asked myself.  How could you?  I realized I had done X and his family an injustice.  In my effort to begin the book with a shock-and-awe scene, I had failed to honor X's life, to show what made him beautiful and precious.  Now I intend to fix that.  If I have to kill my characters, I want them to be mourned, not dismissed as plot devices or means of titillation.  Hell is only Hell if you have something to lose.  So, I've gone back to the beginning in order to make things right, driven by a sense of loss and renewed humility.


emperorofdreams at 2007-08-12 03:40 (UTC) (Link)
I am so happy for you that interest in Crucifer has sparked once again, my thoughts and wishes for someone with enough vision and testicular (or ovarian if need be) fortitude will see this piece of work for the beauty it really is.

As for Blood Bound, it has been said that real horror isn't about 100 ways to kill a zombie or blood spray and gore. Real horror is about beauty and love and grief and loss. Real horror is about humanity and how sometimes life can peel and flay away our very own humaneness.
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